Mommyhood, here I come.

Haaaay

2009-09-22T05:44:00.001-07:00

Hey followers!

I'm still using this profile, but at a different blog. It was created for my family to keep up with the baby and such, and most of my updates are going on down there. So, if you'd like to see what's up, skip over there! It's mostly baby, house, family-friendly related stuff...so if you'd like to see the rest, check me out at http://mrslicky.tumblr.com - you'll find the links to all of my other stuff over there, including the blog mentioned above.

iiit's a scrotum.

2009-02-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

last night, little man woke up for a 1am feeding. husband had taken a nap earlier in the day, so feeling fairly well rested he volunteered to take care of the diapering & swaddling for me before i had to feed him. so as he was doing his daddy duty, i sat up in bed waiting for luke. i had my shirt up & was inspecting my poor, ravaged belly once again. i'd started a skin-firming lotion ritual earlier that day, and my skin was already feeling smoother. as i sat there, staring at the wreckage, i saw something move in there. my belly button & surrounding area - was seriously, moving. on it's own! it looked like....something was crawling around just under my skin!

i told husband to stop what he was doing and watch, just to make sure it wasn't sleep-deprivation that was causing me to see this. he thought i was crazy at first, and he said something smart-assy like, "did we leave a baby in there?". i assured him, something was moving. so he sat down on the edge of the bed and stared. a few seconds later he exclaimed, "EW! It IS moving! It's moving like my balls!".

and really, with the wrinkly texture of my skin now, that's not so far off base. so there you have it. i now have a giant scrotum for a stomach.

seriously though. what the hell is moving in there?

hey, i had a baby!

2009-02-14T11:50:00.000-08:00

yeah, so i'm the world's worst blogspot blogger in history, so what. life got....well, a little busy! since i last wrote, my body ballooned to epic proportions. (see picture) my co-workers began calling me spaulding. ya know, like the sports ball manufacturer. they asked me constantly if i'd shoplifted a sporting goods store. ha-ha.

though i was enormous, my body escaped the dreaded stretch mark demon. until the last couple weeks. it was like my skin cooperated as long as it possibly could, and when the end was near it got a skin-version of senioritis and in "aw, the hell with it" fashion, made up for lost time. my belly & hips look.......well, i don't even want to think about it. nor the fact that the stretch marks on my hips got deeper & more plentiful AFTER my sasquatch of a baby was delivered. what gives, hip skin? and then there's my belly button, who decided it was no longer a part of a caucasion body but an african american body and promptly turned the darkest shades of brown and black i've ever seen. mix it's new coloring along with my over-used, elephant-like in texture skin, and i now have a belly burnt marshmallow instead of a button.

oh how late pregnancy loathed me.

the birth was an experience, that's for sure. i know i'm being lame by not detailing it at all here, but the truth is i've already done it elsewhere and i don't have the time (ya know, infant and all) to re-tell it. it was scary, and thrilling, and emotional - and well, let's just say i hope i don't have to do it more than 1 or 2 more times. if i didn't love the crap out of babies, i'd probably say...i'm all set. don't get me wrong - the thrill of meeting my little guy and seeing his pudgy little face for the first time is probably THE BEST moment of my life. but the anxiety, and the pain that settles in that first night.......gah. not enjoyable. birth = pretty gay. and i didn't even have to do the whole labor bit, so i can only imagine how much that blows.

so, my little man made his appearance on january 15, 2009 at 8:49am. he weighed 9lbs 50z (yes, he was huuuge), and was 20.5" long. he is, the best looking infant in history (maybe i'm a little biased). he looks a lot like his daddy. his mouth looks like his dad's, but i see my sister in it, too. his nose is allll daddy's, as well as his forehead. the shape of his eyes are mine, but the color isn't. he still has those, white baby, grey-blue eyes so the color is really yet to be determined. but, mine are about as dark brown as they come, and were since birth, so i know that's not what he'll have.

here he is, shortly after birth. my little lukas james!

and because i'm just way too lazy, fast forward four weeks and here's one of him from the other day. his eyes look weird, but he's slowly starting to for-real smile this week (as in, socially smile, rather than "i'm going to fart on you, and my mouth does something that sort of resembles a smile", smile) - and this picture is one of the first examples i have of this.

and my last visual aid, might cause you to erupt from the cuteness so prepare yourselves. this is, the loves of my life from yesterday morning. they were all snuggled up in bed together, looking ridiculously alike and adorable.

so far, mommyhood is fantastic. i love my lukey to absolute pieces. breastfeeding is...well, it's going, but i can't say i love it. i do love giving my baby the best nutrition i possibly can. i love seeing his bright anxious eyes and little nose peeking over my boob as he fills his belly. i do love the anti-in-law feature it provides. a simple, "okay, he needs to eat now!" is the simple sanity-saving phrase needed to get my baby back in my arms and out of theirs. they can't argue that, and i don't have to share feeding time. but, that's also a problem. while i can give husband the luxury of sleeping through his night-time wakings, he cannot do the same for me. i have the boobs, thus i have to get up every time. but mostly, it's the nipple soreness from his non-stop eating, and the stress of my supply dropping off once in a while. it's frustrating, and takes a lot more will power to keep at than i imagined it would take.

but, overall, i'm loving being his mommy. i think my banner needs an update.

it's basically the only reason i married him.

2008-10-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

last night husband was reading from his expectant fathers book, and i told him to read to me & the baby too so we could learn. he actually really enjoys doing this, but last night he hit a couple snags in the content. he is, shall we say - extremely squeamish, about the simplest things. and i found complete hilarity in his reactions.

husband (reading about things to pack for the hospital): "don't forget a box of extra absorbent maxi p...ooooookay".
me: laughing hysterically.
husband (leans over to my belly): "dude, be glad you're not a chick".

later on in the pages, i was reading ahead as he was going along and i noticed he was about to stumble on a bit about the umbilical cord stump. since he has little to zero experience with newborns i had a feeling he'd be clueless about this...and i knew he'd react to it when he got there. as expected...

husband: "....the umbilical cord stump....WHAT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! A STUMP?!!?!"

cue me laughing hysterically again. i used this opportunity to ask him if he planned on cutting the cord (knowing full well what his answer would be) and without a second's hesitation he shouted NO!!!!!!!

as he read along, if he stumbled over something he didn't want to know he'd kind of la-la-la for a second, as if doing so would make him un-read what he just saw? oh that husband of mine. he sure is good for a laugh, though. one of the suggested things to pack was a birthday cake & a bottle of champagne to celebrate after the birth. he thought this was hilarious. through laughs he was reciting situations like, "hang on hunny! just keep breathing i gotta bake this cake before we leave for the hospital!". he also imagined packing up all the ingredients as an alternative & asking the hospital if he could use one of their ovens while i "finished up".

if nothing else, he will keep me laughing through all of this :)

2/3rds there.

2008-10-24T04:23:00.000-07:00

i was just thinking...how nice it is, that i can get up in the morning and cruise through the internet, perfectly content with a few hunger pangs...and not fear TEHBARF. for a while there, i thought i'd never be able to enjoy a quiet morning of educating myself on everything pointless with a hot cup of whatever-i-chose-that-morning. i'd be okay for a second, and then every passing moment would bring me closer to puke-land. until eventually, i'd be rocking back and forth in front of the toilet wishing it would just happen already so i could get on with my day. it made me sad, because i love mornings. i love being up before the sunrise, experiencing the chill in the air, and watching the world wake up. i love seeing the sun slowly filter itself over everything and into my window. but pregnancy was having none of that. for the first 17 weeks*, anyway. i was no longer a morning person.

*to be completely accurate, nausea didn't start until i was 6 weeks, and ended at 17 weeks...so it was really about 11 weeks of hell.

the worst part, was knowing if i didn't eat something bland and dry i would surely start on my journey towards puking. but eating anything, let alone something that tasted like cardboard and stuck to my already dry mouth, was just....not appealing. eventually i learned which cereals were easiest to get down, and how fast i needed to take my anti-nausea meds, and i'd function. but even so, i was never "quite right". i don't know why i even expected to feel "normal" - my body was, after all, gearing up to grow a human. not an easy feat.

but then the 2nd trimester hit, and it was a whole other ball game! this is when i learned to enjoy pregnancy. don't get me wrong. it still....sucks, in general - just, the ever-growing list of things that don't work the way they used to, and they're all in the less favorable sense. but, i could spend my mornings normally - without traveling with a baggie of dry cereal, without looking pale & green (not saying i look(ed) good, but certainly better than near-death), and without plotting where the nearest toilet was. i started to feel my baby move, and i saw his face on a sonogram. i found out that he was a boy. my belly started looking cute, and comments started rolling in. and the realization that, holy crap, there really is something in there, MY baby, and he's ALIVE! INSIDE ME!! My excitement finally came bursting through (and i say it like that, because i felt so utterly miserable during trimester #1 that it was hard to show anything other than, "don't get too close i could barf on you").

and so....here we are. 3 days left of this glorious trimester, about to embark on the scary 3rd. the one where aches & pains hit their peak, doctors visits increase, and the pressure to prepare kicks in. i am a little scared for this phase - excited, but a little scared. i'm hoping, that i still have a little while of sleeping well - because until now (knock on wood) that hasn't been a problem for me. and the discomfort has been slowly setting in for the past couple weeks, so i think i've been slowly preparing for that. aaand my nursery hasn't even been started, but i can't feel badly about that since it's kind of out of my control. but ya know, this means i'm getting closer and closer to meeting my little man...and after this point, his chances of thriving should he be born early for whatever reason, just continue to increase. so that, is reassuring.

all of this is worth it. every stage, every moment. every time i feel him kick and flip i remember why i'm having to go through all of these less than favorable things. because the reward, is worth so much more.

ARE you kidding me.

2008-10-21T05:14:00.000-07:00

here's a little diddy about the constant outpouring of cash from my home.

i told you all about the mold room, correct? that's going to be about $1,000 out of pocket when they finish their stupid work. the same time the mold construction started, we had to get our gutters cleaned. charlotte suddenly decided rain was cool and started pouring it over our over-stuffed gutters & rolling off the side of our house. not cool. within a few days, the windshield on my car grew a massive crack. too big to be filled. north carolina, in their total awesomeness, does not cover glass in their insurance policies. sweet. i also i had to buy a crib for the fetus i'm growing.

let's recap.

mold room - $1,000
gutters - $125
windshield - $255
crib - $200

total wallet raping - $1580

sweet right? well guess what. yesterday within 10 seconds of my commute on the thruway, a massive rock shot out of.....i don't know, someone throwing massive rocks from a bridge? flying out from a dump truck? all plausible - but it looked to me like it came straight down from heaven like a mini meteor with my car's name on it. SMACK in the middle of my windshield. where there is now, a lovely crater, in my 4 week old windshield.

what, the, hell, murphy's law. i'm about sick of you.

weekend love.

2008-10-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

as usual, i have work to do and i'm slacking like a super star. instead of being productive, i'm sipping some pepsi (making goop get a little work out in the depths of my belly), jamming to peppy ghetto songs, aaand contemplating updating you on my fantastic weekend.

ps, i'm pretty close to choosing a prettylicious purple purse, but humor me anyway and tell me which one you think is worth your hard earned monies. there was this gorgeous, so-purple-i-could-eat-it dooney at macy's, but for $345 - uh, no.

friday night husband & i went out with some friends from work. i was all excited that i had an actual experience to write about, and now that i'm thinking of it...i have nothing to say. it was really a simple night. we went to a wine bar...which, was pretty cool actually. its a very free-for-all place, where tables and couches & loungey areas are set up in random order, and you just kinda come in and claim an area. all through the whole place there are endless shelves of wine, an enormous beer cooler (all individual bottles), and other random coolers with safe-for-preggo's drinks, like...uh, water. you just kinda walk around til something jumps out at you (i went for the water), bring it up to the counter to pay for it, and return to your little corner. husband was making trips to the beer cooler and sampling bottles of random brews. the other guys joined him later in the night, but for the most part they'd just pick up a glass and share bottles of wine.

it was a pretty cool night. there wasn't much room for potential friendship building with G. for one, because she left within 30 minutes of us getting there...i'm not really sure why. that, and i wasn't seated anywhere near her. but, it was still a lot of fun. it was great to get out of the house for once, and cool seeing my co-workers in a different setting. conversation was never-ending, usually touching on hot topics (and thank goodness the guys all seemed to agree on things) and usually coming back to my pregnancy in some way shape or form.

the only "sticky" part, was when my co-worker's wife asked me who i was voting for. i'm pretty sure it was a total side convo, because the boys were talking (pretty intensely) about alternative energy and didn't really hear her ask me. i would have opened up had it really just been me speaking to her & no one else...however, i know her husband is very hardcore one-sided. i was afraid that if i didn't answer "correctly", he'd either suddenly hear & protest my answer, or she'd tell him later and...well, no thanks. i just don't like getting involved in politics. instead i said i was still unsure, and it seemed like a good response. she even agreed that it was a tough decision this year. however, her next sentence included something about how in 2 years she will be able to vote (both she & her husband, my co-worker, are natives of venezuela and i'm pretty sure she's only been here as long as they've been married, which is about 2 years). she said something about being proud to do her civic duty, and then i felt a little guilty that i wasn't tripping over myself with opinions.

overall though? a really great night. we even discussed future plans - including a baby shower/ football party combo, dinner out, and a day trip to the mountains (pregnant me probably having to skip the latter). but, baby certainly made me pay for being awake after 11pm.

saturday morning was the true start of chilly fall. it was glorious! we decided to celebrate the start of the chilly weather with our favorite cold morning breakfast tradition. warm drinks, asiago cheese bagels, and snuggly conversation by the fire at panera's. we did just that, with hot chocolate being the warm drink of choice. once our bellies were sufficiently full, i did a bit of maternity clothes shopping at target before heading home. most of the day was filled with naps and relaxing, but we had a date night planned. none of the actual date had been chosen, just simply that...we needed a weekend full of relaxation after our tough week. we settled on going somewhere close to target, since the D cup bra i bought earlier that day was STILL not enough to hold my preggo tatas (yes, they have ballooned THAT much) and i needed to return it.

dinner ended up being olive garden, and OH yum. i don't know why, but with a very round belly touching the table our waitress looked directly at me & tried to upsell us on "yummy fruity wine!", as she put it. i, once again, went with water. we shared 2 rounds of salad (because mmm this baby LOVES salad and you don't get much better than the OG), and decided to order something "different" than our usual. i went with the chicken carbonara - it was delish!

after dinner, we returned my bra and husband offered to buy me a new pair of fuzzy pj pants. it was completely random of him, but he said he wanted me to be comfortable. i wasn't protesting! i got a really cute grey pair with black polka dots. they are SO comfy, mmm i can't wait to get this day over with and put them on. we finished off our date with a trip to starbucks. hellooo decaf caramel macchiato. i have always been obsessed with the regular caffeinated version, but stupid me thought they were off limits until bff informed me that decaf espresso was, in fact, a real thing. oooh, heaven. husband just went with straight up coffee, and we split a slice of pumpkin loaf for dessert. we sat chatting for a while, and i noticed that every other patron was 50+. it was just strange...usually starbucks attracts such a different crowd. is that changing? and if so, purposely or not? interesting.

sunday was really...a lazy day. we did nothing. no, lies. we went to kohl's...where i found a fitting bra, and 2 more maternity shirts. husband found a really nice dress shirt & tie. then we attempted to get a new phone for moi, and had a run-in with the most SUCK salesperson i've ever met. so that was a no-go. the rest of the day, i went through all of our paperwork & filed absolutely everything. it took so long, all i had time for was dinner & dh before it was bedtime. but, at least it will be a lot easier to keep the paperwork organized from here on out.

so, speaking of organization...i should really...do work now. i have to figure out if i'm training G some more, or if she's a lost cause (in the work sense). that's, a whole other issue for another day. basically she's not really excelling here, and i'm getting stuck in the middle considering my job is one she's supposed to be learning...at the same time i'm semi-jump starting a could-be friendship. it's sticky. and too much thought for a monday.

oh purple!

2008-10-20T05:04:00.000-07:00

purple is my faaavorite for fall & winter. i love it. just, LOVE it.

(don't mind the kitty - he always sneaks into pictures when the camera is out)

last october, when the weather started getting cooler - i loved it so much i painted my bathroom purple. i prettied it up with a nicole miller damask shower curtain, white pillar candles, white shabby chic accessories, and new black & white fingertip towels. i've since added a few things, and i have just recently picked some black & white flower photos i've taken & put in black frames. they haven't made it to the wall yet, but they're waiting patiently for my motivation.

this year...i want to cover my ever-expanding body in it. i wish i could. but, i'm conserving money. i did buy a long sleeved maternity shirt in my favorite cool weather shade, but being that my belly is growing so insanely large i can classify it as a necessity.

really though? i really want a purple purse. bad. i almost dropped $17 on a purple wallet at kohl's yesterday. i still...may go back and get it, or order it online, if i'm taunted enough. but i thought, save the $17 and get a purse so i can see the purpliciousness more than just when i need to pay for something. i've been drooling this morning. which one would you splurge your monies on?

confessions of a bitter pregnant lady.

2008-10-15T04:22:00.000-07:00

i am seriously about to explode if people don't stop irritating me. yes, i know, the hormones and such have run me a little ragged...and the inability to breathe normally has left my brain a little deprived & frustrated. but, how much can a girl take?! if i had zero respect for people, and a little more confidence, i would love to say these things flat out....

dear mr. XXXXXL shirt open-door-door-knocker,

how do i put this nicely? you're annoying. you talk way too quiet and way too slow, and i seriously get bored waiting around for you to get to your point. SPIT IT OUT! the truth is, i could handle your slow explanations if you didn't smell like you soaked in rancid 30 year old cologne. STOP BATHING IN IT! the smell lingers for 10 minutes after you walk out, and with my super-sonic pregnancy nose, i gag until it clears out. and while you're quitting bad habits, how about walking in my office instead of knocking on my OPEN door? ps, you could probably fit in Medium clothes, what's with the shirts 4 sizes too big?

sincerely,
bitter pregnant lady

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dear grossest hands in the entire world,

i don't know if anyone has ever told you this before, but you have the most disgusting hands on the planet. for being a slim guy, your fingers are thicker than hot dogs, and your skin feels like extra coarse sandpaper. ever hear of lotion? i wouldn't give a crap what your hands felt like if you didn't PUT THEM ON ME ALL THE TIME! it would be sweet if you just, stopped touching me. i'm getting sick of dodging corners when i see you coming just so you can't reach me. and whoever told you it was kosher to put your sandpaper hands in a random girl's head of hair? well here's some news. IT'S NOT! it's also extremely annoying when you try to copy my tone of voice, or repeat things i say often. i don't care if you think you're cute, it's freaking annoying. and when i get quiet & standoffish - that means KNOCK IT OFF! how about just, leaving me alone altogether?

sincerely,
BPL

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dear weird skiddish guy,

you, too, take an eternity to get to the point. i freaking hate when you walk in my office - i almost want to get up and leave you standing in here alone, just so i can avoid your stupid conversations. the part that gets me, is you're almost always confused about your point, and someone else has to fix it. if you're gonna suck so badly, could you just let someone else come to me please? it would save me a lot of frustration and irritation. and you know, saying things like "so, you're busy? well, i'll only be a minute..." and then breaking into what YOU need, regardless of my current work situation - is NOT cool. pointing out that i'm busy doesn't mean it's okay to make me busier, just because you recognized i was already slammed. especially when your issue is never correct to begin with. ps, saying things like "wow you just keep growing!" is a really, really, really....stupid thing to say to a bitter pregnant lady.

sincerely,
you know who

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dear douche bag,

i have been annoyed by you for the last year and a half, and you only continue to make it worse. you smell like a bar. your chester the molester laugh makes me sick. and you need to stop picking your nose and ears while using other people's computers. it's freaking disgusting. i'm sick of soaking everything i own in antibacterial spray after you get near it. also, popping your dentures in and out of place is really, really sick. no one wants to hear that. you also need to shave your ears, because not only are they the size of my hands, and more red than a tomato, they look like they are covered in pubes. and since we very unfortunately have to see you so often, it'd be nice not to see such horrible sights. but most of all, you starting to do your job would just be FANTASTIC. i know you've enjoyed milking a nice paycheck from the owners while doing nothing but chain smoking and spouting off computer jargon to try and confuse people while making yourself sound like you know what you're saying. but it's time to do your damn job.

sincerely,
i hate your guts. hardcore.

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dear stupidest guy to ever exist,

how do you get to be your age, and not know how to make a copy of something? it's not even like you're over the hill and beyond the technology generation (though even my grandma could make a simple copy!). you're probably only 5 - 10 years older than me. and following simple instructions like, put paper in tray, hit Go - shouldn't be so hard to follow that i have to repeat them 3 times. and even worse, that you still can't get it after 3 times and i have to physically walk my big pregnant ass to the machine and do it for you. yes, the paper DOES need to get sucked into the machine. simply placing it on top does not tell it what you need a copy of. and before bringing me what you think is your copy, look at it. is it exactly like the thing you copied? no? then guess what. it's not your copy. HELLO!

sincerely,
get a clue

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dear every truck driver & dispatcher in the greater charlotte-piedmont region,

you people......are the most annoying, frustrating, aggravating people to deal with. DON'T just show up without an appointment, DON'T expect an appointment without giving me a PO number, and DON'T deliver crap on fridays since i've told you 147, 680 times WE ARE CLOSED ON FRIDAYS! if you don't follow the rules, you'll be pushed to the end of the line - pretty damn simple.

sincerely,
about to loose her cool receiving lady

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dear everyone who feels the need to make comments about my pregnancy,

yes, i am pregnant. yes, that means my stomach is growing. you may say things like "oh you look cute", or "congratulations", or "how far along are you?", or "when are you due?", or "how are you feeling?". all perfectly acceptable and reasonable. however, saying anything in regards to my size - totally uncool. some examples of phrases you may want to avoid:

"wow you look like you swallowed a watermelon this weekend!"
"geez you're starting to look like the broad side of a barn"
"damn, you're getting big girl!"
" you're only 6 months?! by the time you make it to 9 months you're gonna need bed rest!"

and yes, all of these things have been said to me - along with many more. i also get physical mocking, where people will pretend to waddle in front of me (and for the record, i have not started to waddle). oh, and...everyone at work now calls me "big mama" (insert not amused face here). so make note of these examples, remember common courtesy, and take a social etiquette course if you still can't find it in you to keep the comments to yourself.

sincerely,
REALLY bitter pregnant lady.

houston, we have a crib.

2008-10-14T05:49:00.000-07:00

this is quite a milestone, wouldn't you say? over the past couple months i've collected lots of things - baby clothes, bibs, toys, books, bottles. not in any mass quantities, but a nice starter collection of hand-me-downs and gifts. they've all been sitting in boxes, awaiting a home in my son's will-be nursery. and no, at 6 months pregnant - one has not even been started. not because i'm procrastinating - because a little company i like to call service douche bags has control over a room in my house and will not finish up their stupid job. this may be a good time to fill you in on the mold epidemic. but first, the crib.

though all the little baby nick-knacks i've collected so far will certainly help me with my growing baby, a crib is the first piece of useful "equipment", if you will. being that i needed a crib to get the nursery going, i made it my goal to acquire it before anything else. husband's sister was insisting that we find one on craigslist - that it was the "cheapest possible way", and our baby will probably only use it for 6 months - a year, so don't spend a ton, blah blah blah.

well, i humored her (and husband, since he always takes her advice to heart) and searched craigslist. the only criteria it had to have, was be white. that's it. nothing fancy. iiii found nothing. every single white crib was listed at $200 - $300. not to mention, i had to pick it up - and since my choices of moving vehicle were hybrid-whose-back-seat-doesn't-fold-down, and mazda-3-with-even-less-cabin-room, it wasn't gonna happen.

so then i found this lovely white crib at babies r us. brand new, as in no other rugrats have gnawed on the railings. as in, meeting all current safety standards. it transforms into a toddler bed, and can morph all the way into a double-sized kid's bed. and, the best part of all, it was only $160-some! even with tax & shipping included, it was only $200 - and there was no personal picking up, shipping, moving to be done on my part. so naturally, i had to have it.

so did every other pregnant mom to be. i first had to battle husband to let me order it, because he was stressed about the costs of the mold and didn't want to spend more. but as i told him, baby is coming....we need a crib, with or without mold, and $200 is going to leave one of our accounts between now and january. might as well be now in case it takes a decade to ship and we have time to get a back up. so, he scoured reviews on the crib (he researches every single purchase to death, and really, i'm not complaining - i take comfort in that he's making sure we make safe & valuable purchases). once he was satisfied - he gave me the okay. i tried to order it at work that day, the website crashed, so i decided to wait until i was home to try again. i get home, and it was out of stock.

i was shocked that it sold out so quickly. this "online only" item was suddenly saying "not available online". hmmm. so i signed up to be emailed when it was back in stock, and waited. a few days later it was in, i ordered it, received my confirmation, the end. right? no. 2 days later i received another email saying they canceled my order. i was confused as to why this happened, so i called. she told me it's their policy for when things run out of stock. ever hear of back ordering?? so she advises me to sign up for an email again, i do - and what do you know, it's back in stock at 6am the very next day. you couldn't back order it for 12 hours?! GAH! soo i ordered it again, by some miracle it shipped the next day, and yesterday....the 60 pound box arrived.

YAY! quite a hassle. and, as of the moment it's only a step in the right direction. considering even if i squatted this baby out today and had matt put the thing together, there's still no mattress or box spring. but, it is a start! and it frees up a $200 item from the massive list of things i still need on my registry.

so, the mold epidemic.

august 29th, a friday - i decided to start clearing out the closet of what would be my baby's room. i was, 4 months pregnant at the time, and decided it was high time i get started on a nursery. my house, unfortunately, has very little storage - so all of our seasonal things, wedding gifts, and the few memory-like things we allowed ourselves to keep, resides within our closets. being that goop needs use of his closet, my goal was to consolidate down to the one in the guest room. so. i got to work, and i figured one of the first things i should do is free up space in the guest room closet for the incoming junk. only....upon moving the first box, i found mold. and that was only the start of it.

i quickly left the room, washed my hands, told husband, and he came home from work immediately. we called our insurance company & some plumbers, and the chaos that has become my life for the last month and a half, began. we have had so many visits from insurance adjusters, plumbers, contractors - ugh. and they are taking their sweet time getting the room fixed. the good news is, the mold has since been removed. the bad news is, my guest room is missing important things like - carpet, and drywall. we have been waiting for WEEKS for the work to be completed, and still....it sits.

i started making nasty calls last week, using my 6 months of pregnancy as a weapon. usually that either earns me some sympathy or fear, and either one tends to at least get things moving a little. we received a call yesterday that the contractors would be coming out on thursday. only, this morning, husband was on his way to work and they called to say they were on their way to our house. um, it's tuesday?

soo, now they are coming tomorrow, apparently - but there have been many occasions where they say such things and never show. and we never heard anything about our carpet being ordered, or being ready to install anytime soon. so, really....i have no idea at all, when this room will be complete. and you may be wondering, where did the contents of this mold room go during the construction? oh yes. they are all in my baby's room. taking up so much space, it's difficult to even set foot in there. so my attempts at putting a nursery together were pushed back about 10 steps, and sits there in non-production land.

and my new, un-assembled crib, will probably sit in it's box in the dining room for another month, at which time nursery will be husband's responsibility. because, i will be a house.

triples, fall decor

2008-10-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

as you can see...i did another triples run. this one was really only meant for a few things - and, i didn't end up with nearly as good of a savings percentage as the first round, but i was happy with it nonetheless! i actually did a 3rd round - one quick trip to bloom, but i only bought 3 or 4 triples items, the rest of the trip was intended to be meat & produce for the week. so, it ended up being our usual $60 trip. here's the deals on the above....

Texas Toast Garlic Bread $2.99, $0.85 oop
Scott 4 pack Toilet Paper $4.15, $1.99 oop
Betty Crocker Warm Delights (2 of them) $1.95ea, $0.38 for both ($.19ea)
Ziploc Quart Zipper Bags $3.25, $1.00 oop
Renuzit Pearl Scents Air Freshener $3.79, $1.14 oop
Spray 'n Wash Max $2.95, $0.70 oop
Shout Liquid Stain Remover $3.15, $0.90 oop
Dawn Original Dish Soap $1.65, $0.90 oop
Jet Dry Liquid Rinse $4.75, $1.17 oop
Arnold 100% Natural Bread $2.79, $0.54 oop
Soft Scrub Deep Clean Foaming Spray $3.35, $1.49 oop
Pillsbury Ready to Bake Cookies $3.65, $2.15 oop
Comet Long Grain Rice $2.69, $1.04 oop

Total Retail: $41.11
Total oop: $14.25

so, during triples we bought $100 worth of groceries & cleaning products, and spent about $32. i'm happy with that! now i'm happy to relax for about a month til the next triples comes around. it gets really tiring!

this weekend was really nice. friday the sabres won their home opener (WHOO HOO!). we got a pizza from taste of buffalo to celebrate. i tried really really hard to stay awake through the whole thing, but crazy hyper-active baby was having none of that. i made it through the 1st period, and half of the second before i passed out. but, husband woke me up for the shootout and i watched us win. YAY sabres!!
saturday morning husband & i finished up the puzzle we've been working on all week. it was a hard one! 5 trees whose pieces all looked the same. water pieces that were virtually impossible to tell apart, about a million rocks. we've only had 1 puzzle in the past that's defeated us - it sat out on our kitchen table for 3 weeks before we were sick of looking at it and put it away. for a while i thought this one might be #2, but we pulled it off. yes, we are dorky...and this is the kind of thing we do together. puzzles, crosswords, sudoku.

husband said something cute during our puzzle-ing. he was like "last night when i was trying to hold you, i had my hand on your belly and the baby was kicking so much it kept waking me up every 2 minutes. how do you sleep through the night with that?!". so cute. i love that he can realize what some of the challenges are. honestly though, i'm always SO tired at night, and i'm just SO used to him moving 24/7 at this point - that i sleep right through it. unless....he's kicking my bladder, or right behind my belly button - because both hurt.

after the puzzle, we did some shopping. we went to birkdale for starters so i could get some wallflower refills. i ended up with a set of pumpkin, spiced cider, and creamy nutmeg. all fall-y and yummy. after that we went to kirklands, and i got the cute little sign you see above (that's found it's home ontop of the tv). it was only $7! or...$8? either way, you'd pay like $20 for something like that from target. anyway, we walked around a bit more, checked out a little baby boutique (and husband actually gets excited to look in those places now!), and then set out for home depot. we were in search of shelving for the garage to get it cleaned up in there, and we bumped into one of the owners from my work. he was getting shelving for his closets. we ended up finding two $25 shelves, plus a huge orange mum for $6 - and only paid $25 for all of it because of an old gift card we had. not bad.

finally we stopped at the ATM, and then a little corner produce stand down the street from our house. we were the only ones there, and we both love fall so much - we went a little overboard with what we got. 2 good sized pumpkins for us, a pie pumpkin for odin (we debated over getting another for goopy, but decided it would be more fun to get his first pumpkin once he was outside of the womb), and a handful of mini pumpkins. aand then we got 2 small yellow mums, a hay bale, a bunch of indian corn, and some homegrown tomatoes. we almost topped it all off with a corn stalk, but decided against it mostly because of room in the car. however...i think we may be going back to get one to put behind the display we created on the porch. i suggested getting a scarecrow (they have adorable ones right now at michael's for only $6!), but husband said they look too much like clowns and he hates clowns lol.

i love the way the porch looks now. with our little display, and my little scarecrow man wreath, and the welcome mat, and the orange lights. cuuuute. just out of frame to the left is our flag, which right now is a sabres flag (whoo go buffalo!), and on sundays is our bills flag. but...i'd really like to get a fall one to tie it all in. we'll see.

later that night we decided to go out for dinner. it was really cool out, and i just felt like being out in the nice weather. i made a stop at michael's to check out their discounted fall fake foliage (ha) and got a few things. which, i decorated my mantel with.

while we were out during that trip, an employee asked me how far along i was. i told her 6 months, and she says, "and you're still wearing heels? damn, you go girl, do your thing!" (thing sounding more like thaaang). you know - that's the 3rd or 4th time i've heard that! i think it's a sweet compliment, don't get me wrong, but i'm not exactly stomping around in stilettos. i just happen to have a little heel on my fall/winter boots. and so far i haven't lost any balance, nor have i started to "waddle", so i haven't really seen the problem in wearing them. i guess that's one victory i have this pregnancy!

i cheese-ified my kitchen window. more mini pumpkins, and window stickies! remember me wondering where all the window stickies of the world went? my lovely friend shmoe sent some in her package. the funny thing is - they were made in charlotte. so they were shipped up there, where she purchased them, and shipped them back to me. yet....i can't find any here! also, it's kind of hard to see because of the reflection of my fridge in the window...but the trees in my backyard are starting to turn and it looks so pretty!

my halloween note pad made it to the fridge recently. i'm totally dorky and have one for every single season. that's last week's menu on it.....which reminds me, it's menu planning monday....iii should do that.

monday:
tuesday:
wednesday:
thursday:
friday:

yeah....i'll fill that in later as my mind catches up with me. it's still way-too-early on monday morning to be doing things like, thinking! and with that...i will shut up now, because i've given you far too much boringness for one day :)

ps - the high today is 87, and tomorrow is 89! what the heck!!! we've been steady in the 70s and i've been LOVING it! i don't want this heat crap. luckily, mother nature is making up for it this weekend with 60s and rain, whoo hoo!

"this shall be a love day"

2008-10-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

i don't know how this much time has passed, but 2 years and 2 months ago - i sat in the living room of my apartment (obviously pre-house), making a -1 anniversary card for my soon-to-be (obviously pre-marriage) husband. it was august 11th, 2006. and one year from that day, i knew i'd be walking down the isle to marry my best friend. i still remember the card - it was pink & orange, just like our wedding colors - and i'd rigged it up like a pop up book somehow. on the front, i used a quote sticker from a set of scrapbooking stuff i had that said, "this shall be a love day". i could have sworn it was by shakespeare - but in an attempt to be completely accurate, i tried googling it and haven't come up with anything. so....i suppose...take my word for it? :)

anyway, i surprised husband with the card when he got home from work that day, and we went out for dinner at chili's to celebrate. most people called me dorky for celebrating a -1 anniversary (and, yeah, it was dorky...oh well). but i loved it. i loved that we were pre-celebrating a day that would remain special to us for all of our future days.

the quote stuck with me. i think about it every 11th of every month. because, to me, the 11th is a love day. it's some minute anniversary of the day i promised everything i am, to one wonderful person. a day that i remember fondly - for all of it's beautiful chaotic moments. and so, i've decided to pay homage to my special love day. every 11th of every month, i'll post a love day entry. i'm expecting it to include a wedding picture (or 2, or 3...) and a memory (or a few). it's not only nice to remember those special little moments - but to document them now, while the whole thing is still just a year in my past. instead of trying to come up with the details 10 years from now and just finding foggy snippets.

i decided to kick this off with my favorite part of the wedding vows. it holds an extra special meaning for husband & i. right after eating dinner at our reception, husband's 92 year old grandmother wanted us to open her present. so we made our way to her table, and did just that. it was a cross-stitched picture, in such beautiful detail - it was incredible that her 92 year old fingers could create something so beautiful. it ended up being our absolute favorite gift.

unfortunately, she passed away this january. just 5 months after our wedding. during our last visit with her, she told us that we were such a good couple and she was so thrilled to be able to make it to our wedding. it meant so much to me to hear that. we have her picture hung at the base of our stairs, easily viewable from the living room - and the first thing you see when going up the stairs. i often pause and study it. paying attention to the detail, and reading the words to myself. "to have and to hold, from this day forward." it's such a simple statement, with such profound meaning. beginning on our wedding day, august 11 2007, we will always have each other. we will always be there to hold each other - in good times & bad. i am so thankful that his grandma made us something to remind us of that.

ode to buffalo hockey

2008-10-10T04:15:00.000-07:00

this is...the best day, ever. okay no...not ever. it's the best day since.......it's just a really good day! and why? because, at 7:30pm, my boys are coming back to the ice!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!

my goodness how i've missed my sabres. you see, i'm not that big of a sports girl. i know squat about football, find baseball boring, won't even give basketball the time of day - but hockey? oooh hockey. the day my child is born i'm going to start saving up for equipment in hopes he will be my little sabres wanna be. i LOVE buffalo hockey!

my obsession started shortly after exiting the womb. in fact, my very first memory EVER is of watching the sabres play. i was being held by my dad, in our old recliner, drinking milk (i'm assuming from a bottle - all i remember is the taste of milk) and watching the sabres play on tv at night, with no other lights on in the room. til this day, when i watch sabres games at night - in this same way, i crave milk. conditioned much?

growing up i could take it or leave it, really. i was more interested in dolls. i had like 20 of them, and i'd pray to God every night to make them come alive. but as time went on, i was pulled back in. somewhere in the 90's, i became interested again. and when i was in 7th grade (hmm, roughly 11 or 12 years old), i became obsessed. aaand that's about where it stands today.

some of my very best memories are of sabres games. house parties during playoffs. i, of course, was one of the many who stayed up all night watching the multiple overtimes & no goal mishap many seasons ago. the whole neighborhood was awake & would step outside for a drink between overtimes. i remember going to multiple home openers (which, i'm sad about not being there for this year, but give me a couple more years and i won't miss another one!).

husband & i went to this game in december of 06, rockin the old school jerseys. my love was drunk, and hilarious. it was SUCH a good game. we had 6 consecutive goals only 9 minutes into the 1st period! it pissed off the opposing goalie so badly, he broke his stick over the net in a hissy fit. it was amazing.

my lovely friend shmoe came to this game as well. this is one of my faaavorite pictures of us everrr.

speaking of shmoe! her birthday was yesterday, and ironically enough - a packaged arrived for ME on HER birthday (from her, duh). shmoe, if you are reading this, THANK YOU!!!! you totally read my mind with the window stickies (it's that twin thing), and the clothes for goop are ADORABLE! i am so so in love with the tigger one. there are few people in this world who know how excited i get over tigger!!

i'll post pictures of that loot later on, but....i saw her face and had to mention it. back to sabres praise!!

one of my very favorite memories of the sabres is from this year's new years day ice bowl! so, yeah....we lost. boo. we lost in typical buffalo fashion (losing in typical buffalo fashion = there's no reason we should have lost, and it was one of those games we needed to win, but buffalo can find a way to loose). but i'll tell you what. if i knew we'd loose ahead of time, i'd still do it all over again! it was such a fantastic day. and i say that, even though i was sick & outside in 30 degree weather all day long. it was really that great of an experience. (the picture above is husband & i all decked out in our sabres gear, shortly before tailgating. below is the whole fam, tailgating our hearts out. notice the snooow.)

if you have no idea what i'm talking about, here's a quick run down. basically...they took our football stadium (the bills) and plopped an ice rink down right in the middle of the field. it was a totally outdoor NHL hockey game (the first one in american history - they did do this in canada before). there were over 71,000 people in attendance. do you know how insane that is for a hockey game?! it was just so so so amazing to be there, in the middle of making history. it snowed steadily all day and it was just absolutely gorgeous in only-a-buffalonian-can-get-it way.

you see? beauty. gosh that was such a great day. i wish we could have the opportunity to host another ice bowl (or as the NHL calls it, "winter classic"). but...we probably won't be so lucky. i hear the only reason we "won" the first one, is because we had the most merchandise sales the year before. but - i think that's to be expected, because we changed jerseys that year & everyone had to re-buy them.

well. here is to, hopefully, a wonderful season. though our team's been tested with the loss of briere and drury (waaaahhh i still miss them), we have a brand spakin' new captain this year - and maybe he'll bring us back to #1. yay for hockey!

GO SABRES!!!!

yay for triples!

2008-10-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

warning: i'm about to bore you with couponing babble :)

guess how much that lovely collection of yummies cost me. go on, guess. it's a pretty good load of stuff, right? i mean....i didn't even compare to some of the ladies i saw with absolute mountains of stuff in their carts. i have no idea how they work that out - especially with the 20 coupon limit rule. but i was pretty pleased with my collection. there are only 3 things from my list i didn't get. two of them were out of stock, and the third - i'd already reached my 20 coupon limit. so, i'm going back friday morning to pick those things up. and perhaps a few other things, depending on what other deals i uncover & have coupons for.

this is my first hard core triples experience. i did participate in harris teeter's recently, but that was my very first week of couponing ever - and....well, i wasn't very good. i still saved 40% off my bill, but i'd acquired zero skill at that point so i'm counting this as my first real triples.

i broke it down for you in quite a bit of detail. the starting price of each item, minus bonus card savings, minus store coupons, minus manufacturer coupons tripled, equals total. but you know...it was a lot of numbers, and a lot of senseless abbreviations so, here's just the original starting price (as stated on my receipt), and the price i paid out of pocket.

(OOP = out of pocket)

Cottonelle 4 Pack Toilet Paper $4.15, $1.00 oop
Thomas' Plain Bagels $3.99, $1.34 oop
Windex Antibacterial $3.65, $0.74 oop
Country Crock $2.19, $1.44 oop
Betty Crocker Frosting $1.85, FREE
Betty Crocker Cake Mix $1.85, $1.00 oop
Betty Crocker Cookie Mix $1.99, FREE
Knorr Sides (2 of them) $2.15 x 2 = $4.30, $2.05 oop for both ($1.02ish ea)
Lipton Tea 24ct Tea Bags $3.69, $1.00 oop
Betty Crocker Flavored Potatoes (2 of them) $1.75ea, $0.60 oop for both ($.30ea)
Total Cinnamon Crunch Cereal $3.99, $1.74 oop
Lucky Charms Cereal $3.55, $0.35 oop
Dial Foaming Hand Wash $2.45, $0.60 oop
Cascade Gel Dishwasher Detergent $5.65, $3.24 oop
Renuzit Adjustables (3 of them) $1.49ea, $2.10 oop for all 3 ($.70ea)
Softsoap Antibacterial $1.95, FREE
Progresso Soup (2 of them) $2.69ea, $1.50 oop for both ($.75ea)
Ronzoni Pasta $1.89, $0.25 oop

Total after everything was scanned = $61.63
Total paid OOP after coupons = $18.63 (!!!!)

70% savings! i'm no pro just yet, but i'm so excited about this! one thing that messed with my numbers was the cascade. it was still a deal, but had i left it out it would have made my percentage better. however, we needed it. we only have like 2 loads of dishes left on our current bottle....so better to get it during triples than not.

also, husband came with me. this is good, and bad. it was good because he helped me juggle the coupons, and he kept tabs on the store coupons we collected as we walked in (matching them up with my coupon list, tearing them out and such). however - a few of the things he wanted (though reasonable) also messed with my numbers. but, i'm not complaining - i'm totally happy with this.

you should have seen his face as we were walking out. he had this HUGE smile that would not fade. he couldn't believe how much he saw the numbers drop. when we got home he kept saying "baby, i'm SO glad you got into this". so him coming along was worth it, just to see how happy it made him.

oooh this is addicting :)

mrsLack-o-friends. for now.

2008-10-08T04:19:00.001-07:00

so, okay.
as i mentioned yesterday, i'm not from around here. i've lived in charlotte for over 4 years now, and find it quite difficult to make friends. i suppose the biggest issue, is that most people my age are still thrilled by spending half their income on perfect clothes & modeling them in night clubs. and me? well....i'm 85 years old at heart.

a few years ago, i made roughly...3 charlotte friends. one of them was a real actual friend. we did things together. we went shopping, and went out for lunch, and would get coffee at starbucks. we'd work out together and attend little gatherings at her apartment. she even surprised me with an adorable hot pink cake, festooned with sugar martini glasses for my 21st birthday. but when i traveled back home for a year of college, she met a man who took her down a path i couldn't understand, and we drifted. i still attended both her bridal shower & wedding the following year, but she had changed. we didn't click the way we used to. conversations and get togethers were no longer easy & free flowing. and when she moved an hour away from charlotte, i knew things would never be the same. in fact, this year - i emailed her in april, and didn't get a response until august. and even when i told her i was pregnant, she didn't say a word.

that situation was the most disheartening, for me. she was a friend - one that felt very similar and familiar to the girls i knew back home. she was there for me in every way i needed her to be...and for no other reason than, life happened, she's hardly in my life at all anymore.

the other two girls...i was never quite as close with. one of them was also a co-worker, and although sweet and hilarious - our fun rarely went outside of the work place. sometimes she'd accompany me and the previously mentioned used-to-be-friend for coffee at starbucks, but that's about as far as it went.

the third girl was my neighbor from our old apartment complex. she can be a little overbearing and intimidating, but i found out that we had loads in common just days before she moved out. of course it happens that way. she'd stopped over to offer me left over cake from her bachelorette party, and when we sat down to talk we realized we shared a handful of the same hobbies. i immediately started to regret taking advantage of our close proximity and what could have been a good friendship, but you know...it was a little late. and as you may have suspected, she got married, moved into a house in the opposite direction we moved in, and now i hear from her once every few months. i've suggested meetings and such with her, and while she'll always agree to them in theory - they never happen. it makes me sad, because she's pregnant now too. and perhaps, if i was a little less shy, and a little more open when we used to be neighbors - we could be going through all of this together.

the thing is...i know that i am a little...hmm, picky. i get annoyed/intimidated/aggravated (pick your negative emotion) very easily, and it seems as though there's a very small group of people i get along with. and maybe, it's the culture differences down here that keep me from feeling completely comfortable with people? or i suppose i'm just used to my friendships having history - ones that started when i was 8, 10, 13 - those are the people that i treasure with all my heart. and i'm so lucky to still have some of them in my life. so why can't i find that here? 10 years from now i could say "i met them when i was 24!" and boom, there's a decade of history. but i can't seem to...get it going.

i do have a few things going. gosh, i hate talking about it like that....it sounds like i'm dating around, searching for mr. right. or working on some business ideas that may or may not pay out. really, it's not that. it's just....i'm desperate for a circle of friends, and while i could really forget about it before, it's not so easy now. in the day-to-day, i'm cool with husband & odin being my only social interactions, mixed in with the crazy people at work that i get to leave behind at the end of the day when they annoy me. but now, with a baby coming, and with me about to embark on a new journey of "rarely leaving the house", there's a new panic to find people to fill my life with.

charlotte mommies has been a great outlet. and with the big sister program, i met a really great person who i'm excited about getting to know. she seems like my kinda girl. and then, there's a couple prospects at work. however...i'm not so sure how much they'll love me after i leave (being that this is quite a tight knit group), and....well.....there's issues.

in fact, the whole point of this post was to compare two girls (from work) that i thought could lead to a friendship, but i just about wrote a novel already soo....i'll try to keep it short.

the first girl is almost exactly my age. she's funny, she's sarcastic and witty, and she likes many of the same things i do. for a while we were getting along really well...despite many of her annoying habits (like, for example, breaking out in tears over tiny things like - someone stealing her pop from the fridge, or not having $20 to drive home for the weekend). her hometown is about 1.5 hours from here - and she goes home at least every other weekend. it's almost closer to every weekend. she comes in here homesick on mondays (and everyone handles her with kid gloves), wah-wah-ing about not living at home. HELLO! do you know what i would give to live 1.5 hours from home? if i had the opportunities to see my mother and my sisters and my friends every single weekend, i would do it, i would love it, and i would shut up about it. i wouldn't be crying like a baby, i'd be thankful i wasn't 11 hours away from them (like, i am now).

i felt bad for her at first (believe it or not) because i know what it feels like to be away from the ones you love & have always known. iiii get that. been there, still doing it, practically wrote the book. so one day i told her if she ever had to skip a trip home and she felt lonely in her apartment, she could always call me. i warned her of my lameness and said the most i could handle while pregnant is lunch or shopping, but at least it's company. and do you know what she said? "nah...i don't know why everyone thinks i need to be out doing stuff, i'd rather let home be the best place there is and just deal with it when i have to be here".

okay then. is loneliness really that much better than my company? sheesh. thanks for the ego boost.

i found out later on, that other people had offered her similar things & she turned them down with the same cold response. so, i don't take it quite so personally now. but, really. come on.

another potential friend is G - the girl who hand crafted me a pad of post-its. i'm still trying to figure her out, because she's new, and very confusing. i swear, every time i talk to her i'm left with a totally different impression. they're almost always positive ones, which is a good thing, but like i said...i'm just not sure what makes her tick. last week i spent quite a lot of time talking to her. we had a blow-off day of sorts, and we discussed a lot. she agrees with so much of what i think, and talking to her was almost exciting. it was one of those situations where you just suddenly realize, "hey, this person's pretty cool", and visualize the potential for a friendship.

she is sweet, and very kind hearted. though a little flighty, she seems like a truly good person - one that i may not always relate to (because, she doesn't want kids & i'm about to have one, and although she's in her 30's, she still acts/talks/dresses like she's in college), but that i would really enjoy spending time with. she invited me out this weekend - actually i still need to see if that's happening. it was sort of a casual, loose plans invite. so we'll see. but a person like her is what i need in my life. someone who has a positive outlook and can always put a sunny twist on things (i'm kind of captain pessimism). someone who loves life for the simple things it offers and always points them out. oh, and there's the whole thing about her being a pilates instructor that hands out free sessions to her friends (hellooo post baby body). kidding, of course. the only "gain" i care about in a friendship is a social-emotional one.

to give you an example of her cheery nature, i introduce mr. praying mantis. he was chillin outside my window yesterday (and i wish i'd gotten a better picture before he decided to scale the whole thing and almost make it to the top). i mentioned to G that there was a praying mantis the size of a kitten on my window, and she popped out of her seat to come and see. she kept ooh-ing and ahh-ing at how cool he was. and with total sincerity in her voice she kept saying "those are good luck, jenn! you have some good luck coming to you!". and while it's just "one of those things" people say - the optimism in her voice brightened my day. i could read so much about her in those few short moments (i suppose i should have caught on earlier when she'd say things like "look how you cute you are, your face is so lit up it's adorable!" when i got a scoop of ice cream at the chinese buffet one day at lunch. or how she never hesitates to let me know, "you are so tiny still, that baby must be the only thing growing!" on days where i swear she reads my mind and can tell i feel like a beached whale). but really - it's like she lives to make other people smile. to point out the good. to make sure she's doing the best she can. like when i told her my tumor was bothering me and she asked if she could help (lol). i said "sure, wanna take it out?".

so, my goal? to not be afraid to come out of my shell a little. to try a little harder. and really, i am making some sort of progress. when i was set up with my "big sis" on charlotte mommies i ventured out to meet a stranger that i'd never seen before in the middle of a mall, and that turned out to be such a great day. i'm SO glad i pushed myself to do that. the old me wouldn't even think of it. but a new life is about to begin for me, and for husband - and things are going to change. and i really want to reach out & hang onto some of these great people.

so, wish me luck.

wanna see my bowling ball?

2008-10-07T05:41:00.001-07:00

i just realized i never introduced you to my goop, at least via my belly. so, today is your lucky day. as you can see....the child is large. im only 25 weeks...and look at that belly! gah. i am convinced he will come out 6 foot 11. my sister kept saying that while she was shopping for him, she skipped over newborn sizes because she's positive he'll be born way too big for them. funny, how she thought so already seeing as i haven't seen my sister since july & she hasn't seen the belly. oh, right....did i ever mention...i don't live in my hometown? yeah. long story short (i'll make it longer some other day...) i moved to charlotte, nc with husband over 4 years ago and happily ever after. we're both from buffalo, ny - aaand, we will be again in a few years.

here's the fully-clothed belly. everyone tells me it looks like i'm literally carrying a bowling ball under my shirt. sweet. thanks guys.

last night hubs and i rocked dinner. he finished up work right when i got home, and came downstairs to get the grill fired up. it was a sick 80-some degrees (we're so ready for full-blown fall it's not even funny), so we figured we'd do the grill thing. when he opened the door to the deck, however - a hilarious 20 minute battle with the spider from hell ensued. i love husband, and despite what i'm going to say he is plenty macho. he is terrified of spiders. as am i - to the point where i can't even get close enough to kill them, so in his defense...he at least has the courage to murder the bastards. this thing was unnaturally enormous, and exceptionally disgusting. he armed himself with a can of raid and a broom....and switched between spraying at it, swatting it, and squirting it with water. by the time he finished attacking this thing (to the point he felt safe being anywhere on the deck in order to grill), i had already made the applesauce for the next night's (now tonight's) dinner. i don't know why i've never made my own applesauce before. it was seriously easy, and seriously DELISH!

my bff, the queen of homemade baby food told me how to make it. her daughter loves it (and since husband's taste buds resemble those of a 5 year old) i knew he'd love it too. i wanted to make it last night so it had plenty of time to chill for tonight's dinner. and, to free up some time considering i've never made homemade mac & cheese before and im going to venture into that world tonight.

pregnancy suck of the day: last night, i peed right before bed (hot right). and as much as i searched my brain, i couldn't recall drinking much in the evening. yet, around 3am i had to pee SO BAD my entire body hurt (i have this weird pregnancy thing, that instead of getting the urge to pee like normal, i just get pain. lovelyyy). my whole belly was cramped, yet i was fighting with myself since my alarm was due to go off in not long anyway. i finally got up and went, the pain decreased - but never went away completely. it STILL hurts! and i'm afraid it might have shifted my tumor (yeah, another story for another day...) because it hurts the most right where the tumor is. im walking like an old lady with a brand new hip replacement.

ps - bloom is doing triples this weekend! what the heck, grocery stores! are you trying to kill me!! i'm going to plan on skipping that one...unless, i don't make out as well as i plan to at lowe's this week. they'll be my weekend back up plan.

monday menu garbage

2008-10-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

i keep seeing those menu planning monday banners all over the place. i cannot plan every single meal & snack husband and i will eat, because i'm way too lazy to think that far ahead. but, this whole grocery shopping pimpness that has become my hobby lately is saving us money. and planning dinners ahead of time will do the same, seeing as it cuts down on those pesky $20 trips.

this week i was able to make my menu post-shopping (well, shopping round 1, because triples is still to come) with things i have on hand. before this new style of shopping? i never had things "on hand". i always thought rachel ray and her "ya know, whatever kind i have on hand" comments were bull. but it's incredible, the things you stock up on when you get them for nearly-free.

yesterday, i got my first free item. granted...it was sort of "cheating", because it wasn't that i mixed a sale & a coupon....it was that i had a coupon that literally said "free". i decided to go ahead and get it now, because i figured with triples coming it would be cleared out of there. it was...a bottle of french's worcestershire sauce (did i spell that right?). there are so many recipes that call for a dash of that stuff, and i've always just skipped it because i never thought to buy it.

i have yet to enter the world of overages. and i hear lowe's doesn't honor them during triples. so, possibly during the november HT triples.

oh, oh! another deal. have you heard of those febreze candles? they were on the shelf at lowe's originally priced around $7.50 if i remember correctly, and it was closeout priced at $5.00. i had a $.75 coupon (that doubled, taking it to $1.50 off)...so i got it for $3.50 - not bad. i thought about waiting until wednesday or friday, because the coupon would triple instead and then cost me $2.75 - but i figured there will be a lot of couponing ladies in the area that hung onto that coupon & would scoop up the closeout priced candles. soo, i took a chance. if i could find that coupon again, though...i'd get another. i got the apple spicey whatever it's called candle, and we lit it last night - it smelled like an apple pie was baking. sooo yummy!

oh, right, the menu...

monday: steak, baked potato, green beans
tuesday: pork chops, homemade mac & cheese, broccoli, homemade applesauce
wednesday: ham steaks, mashed potatoes, corn
thursday: spaghetti, meatballs, garlic bread
friday: pierogies, fries, corn (subject to change based on triples trips)

i'm not thrilled about the steak tonight, because you know...me and beef = enemies. but, it was freaking $3.50 for a huge one at the store yesterday (and i eat such a small portion, that i just hack a chunk off and it still sufficiently fills husband's belly). plus...ya know, the whole iron thing. boo.

further proof of my lameness.

2008-10-05T12:49:00.000-07:00

as a kid, i never really cared about halloween the way i did christmas, thanksgiving, or easter. i just didn't have that spooky creativity. i did have some excitement about it. you know, endless free candy...the stupid little parties my elementary school put on. but i just never really got into it, the way i see so many people do.

i remember starting out as a witch around 5 years old. i had some strange obsession with the wizard of oz, and i always wanted to be the witch. i pulled that off every year til i was about 8 or 9, which is when i became a pilgrim. boy did i test the limits of that home-sewn costume each october 31st. somewhere around age 12 or 13 i wanted to do the more popular thing, and dress like my friends - you know, as a hooker, stripper, or britney spears. i pulled off the britney spears costume one year, and my mom wouldn't let me leave the house. my senior year in high school, i was a pink fairy. that was the thing to do back then. groups of friends would get together & plot what they'd be - so you'd see 10 or 15 of the same thing in the halls each halloween. it was kind of gang-like. my friends & i wore glittery wings, plastic tiaras, and carried kid's princess wands.

that was the last time i dressed up. which, is...ya know, reasonable. i was 17. it's not like i was trick or treating anymore. it's just that i was never invited to those crazy halloween college parties or anything. so, what little excitement i did have for the holiday definitely died off.

this year, though? i can't stop thinking about it! i'm not exactly sure why. part of it is that i'm carrying a little one, and the gears are already turning for his first round of holidays next year. i already looked through all the infant costumes at target (and find the chili pepper, bag-o-cash, and woopie cushion particularly amusing). and i already can't wait to see what kinds of things charlotte mommies puts together so i can get an idea of what we can do as a family next year. but i also think, it has something to do with my current surroundings...and my experience from last year.

last year's halloween, was one of the nicest, most relaxing nights i can remember. my house wasn't exactly sparkling, so after work i went to town on the living room & kitchen, in hopes that any trick or treaters wouldn't see my clutter. i did such a fantastic job of it, in such a short time, and it left me feeling relaxed. so, in the name of relaxing...i slipped on my fuzzy black slippers, lit a pumpkin scented candle, and poured myself a glass of wine. i settled in on the couch (closest to the front door), and just soaked up the night. trick or treaters came like a steady flow (husband was upstairs "hiding" - he says he doesn't "do" trick or treaters). i'd get up and answer the door with my big bowl of candy, awwing and oohing at every little one dressed up as something adorable. between knocks i'd sit on the couch with my wine & watch tv. it was a warm-ish night, with a slight crisp breeze - and the smell of my pumpkin candle and the warmth of my yummy wine just sent me into lala land. it was wonderful.

it was somewhat exciting, to participate in a "real" halloween experience. we'd lived in an apartment for the previous 2 or 3 halloweens, and never got 1 knock on the door. i suspect it was because we were on the 4th floor, and you know how "active" kids are these days. now, however, we live in a suburban development with a plethora of little ones. it gets me excited to celebrate. maybe i'll even "dress up" as something this year? probably not. or, i'll just be a pregnant chick.

today, in an attempt to get ready for the holiday....i pulled weeds, swept up random dirt, power washed my front porch & everything on it, power washed the sidewalk leading up to my front door, and hung orange halloween lights around my porch railing. the fall welcome mat also made it's 2008 debut. i'm thinking next weekend, we will get a hay bale or two, a corn stalk, a mum plant or two, and pumpkins - and i'll create a little display in the corner of our porch. then i will feel sufficiently decorated, and not like one of the lame houses people pass over. i'd love to find some window stickies too - but it seems like everywhere only has those gel things nowadays. whatever happened to the window stickies? they were the best part of decorating when i was a kid!

i'm kind of exhausted from doing all of that. i also did 2 (about to be 3) loads of laundry, transferred pages into a new scrapbook, made lunch, cut coupons, updated my coupon spreadsheet, researched sales, and made a temporary shopping list (saving the big one for triples later this week). now i must shower, do the shopping, finish up laundry, straighten up the kitchen, straighten up my bathroom, and make dinner before desperate housewives tonight. i'm thinking meatball parm subs tonight, mmm. husband made his famous spaghetti sauce & meatballs last night, and a nice cheesy gooey sub with the leftovers sounds absolutely delish.

3 cheers for slacking!

2008-10-03T05:59:00.000-07:00

i declare this, slacker day.

usually my friday mornings go like this. sleep in (as in 7am...since my usual alarm goes off at 5am), take a ride to dunkin with hubby & get a decaf iced mocha latte. upon arriving back a la casa de licky's, husband gets to work (he works from home, usually) and i take in a little regis & kelly. (there was an episode a few weeks ago i still can't stop laughing about. david duchovny was guest-hosting [before his sex addiction rehab business] and they did the trivia crap they always do. the caller was from a place called effingham, illinios. david asked her if it was effinghot there. ha, yeah...i'm lame). once that's over, or when my ADD kicks in (whichever comes first) i relocate to my "scrapbooking area"* and scrap, scrap, scrap.

*right now, it's a pile of my supplies in our bedroom, arranged in a semi-circle behind where husband works, and i sit in front of said supplies. on the floor.

i totally get the award for most parenthetical side notes in one paragraph.

on this friday morning, however, i am at work. how dare my employers rain on my friday parade!!! it's not their fault, really. we switched to four 10 hour days not long ago, and forgot to tell our certification auditor. i work at a steel factory (i do a girly job, don't go picturing me in a jumpsuit tossing rebar around). there's some kind of certification (iso...something) that puts you at a "better" level. kind of like a college being accredited or not. he does these audits 2-4 times a year, where he tracks our processes and such. in the 2 years i've worked here, the man hasn't so much as acknowledged my presence - but since i'm in a different department this time around, he may. so i might get a little badgering...i might not. it's yet to be seen.

in the mean time, slacking, whoooo!

on my way into work this morning, i saw husband's dream car. he has this thing for corvettes...and there's actually a certain year he's obsessed with but you know, it's man speak. i don't remember these things. anyway, his father had one when husband was a kid. it was this ugly, pukey, beige color. apparently "ugly" was the thing to be in the 70's. this was a rare color, and from what i hear it's pretty well hunted. husband has a strange obsession with it, and can be caught googling for one at any given moment. he even used a picture of one for sale on ebay as our desktop background on the lap top. boooys. anyway, i saw that car....and i knew that he would be highly jealous if i just said "hey hubs, i saw your car on my way to work this morning" - so graceful me stumbled through my bottomless pit of a purse, pulled out my camera, and snapped a picture. going 70mph. that's talent. safe? no. probably the dumbest thing i've done in a long time. and as you can see, my photography skills at such a speed are not exactly "good".

i did get a slightly "better" picture - aka, not crooked. but my flash refused to go off this time and you can't see crap. but, whatev. his license plate says "peewee08". hmm. interesting. there are so many things that could mean.

this picture....is my smile of the day. there has been one way in which this pregnancy has been nice to my body (instead of ravaging it like it has to the rest of me). my nails grow! anyone who knows me in real life will know....i have the worst nails in history. ever! for serious - horrible, horrible. but look at those puppies! husband asked me to scratch his back the other day and he exclaimed, "omg! you have girl nails!". yes, yes i do :)

oh! OOOOH! oh-oh-oh. my fellow charlotteans, have you heard the good news? lowes foods, triples next week? oh my gooosh. i thought i was going to have to wait months before i could try out my new found couponing obsession on a full-effort triples experience, but here it is!! and the best part, lowes is the very grocery store i have around the corner from my house. i just hope that all the domestic goddesses from charlotte mommies that are living in highland creek don't clear the place out! considering, they are far more skilled than i am. i figure i will take a trip wednesday night, and then probably another 1 or 2 on friday when people are working. ooh yay, i'm so excited to get the sunday paper and plot out my purchases.

seriously, i'm getting lamer by the day.

the short version.

2008-10-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

things i really hate:
1. new software that doesn't work and causes 80 issues a day.
2. stupid know-it-all chain-smoking idiot computer douche bags.
3. truck drivers with thick redneck accents and an inability to read.
4. open-door door knockers*
5. paranoid off-site employees with a telephone addiction.

things i wish i had/could have:
1. a shot gun
2. a valium
3. a few shots of vodka
4. ear plugs
5. my sanity

*annoying people, who come to my office and even though my door is ALWAYS WIDE OPEN and they are STARING RIGHT AT ME, feel the need to knock on my open door and wait for me to address them before they speak.

makeover!

2008-10-01T13:24:00.001-07:00

i feel like i'm in junior high, and i just had a slumber party with my friend, mrs. lovah,
and she gave me a makeover and now i feel all pretty. yay pretty blog!

thank you for zapping your creativity on me, lovah friend :)

yes, i'm mildly insane.

2008-10-01T05:16:00.000-07:00

i'm about to be insanely busy at work today. ugh. i'm taking a pre-break, before i get my hands dirty...because, i really need to gear up for the suck my day is about to become. i'd explain, but it wouldn't make any sense. just....it sucks.

i had a dream about my baby last night. only, he wasn't my baby....but he was. that tends to be the theme of my baby dreams. he belongs to someone else, yet when i look at him i just know he's mine. in the dream i woke up one morning to find that husband had left the front door open all night long. i was afraid to do anything around the house, so i asked him to check every room for anything suspicious. he checked everything, and i said "don't forget about the basement". ps - my house doesn't have a basement.

so he went down into this imaginary basement, came back upstairs with an infant in his arms and said "this little guy has been down there for 4 days!". how he knew that? no idea. so he handed me the baby...and for some reason i was suddenly topless. as soon as he handed me the baby, it tried nursing on me...only i was still pregnant, and had nothing to give. but i held him and let him anyway because i figured it was comforting him. strange. so i started to panic and told husband to hurry up and buy a car seat so we could go buy him some formula and then find out who his parents are (i don't really understand why he couldn't just go buy some formula, rather than buy the car seat first so we could all go...).

as the dream progressed i was taking this baby with me everywhere and totally falling in love with him. however, when i told people about him they looked at me like i was crazy. i couldn't figure it out. at one point i was talking with my friend about the baby, and showing her pictures of him. she looked up at me and said, "these pictures are blank, what are you talking about?". so then i started feeling crazy, and she started telling me how it was a manifestation of my own mind to cope with something....i have no idea what. in my dream she sounded like an expert, though. so then i came around eventually, the baby disappeared, and i started missing him like crazy and wishing it was time for my baby to arrive.

yes, i suspect drugs as well.

i need to get to that hell of a job i have...but i just wanted to document my smile of the day, because i'm amazed that it's 8:26am and i've already had my heart warmed :)

smile of the day:
yesterday i helped out one of the new girls - hmm, let's call her G. i have been known to be annoyed by a few of her actions, but for the most part i like her. she is going to take over a few of my jobs while i'm on maternity leave (or, that's what they think i'm doing for now, anyway), so i've been training her. in the middle of this she asked me for a post-it note, and i told her i was out. office supplies are pretty scarce around here. so this morning, she comes in and said "hey...i just wanted to give you this since i know you're out of post-its, i made it for you". she handed me a stack of paper that she cut down to nearly-post-it size & stapled them together at the top. i couldn't believe how sweet that was!

me + iron = fail.

2008-09-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

husband's antics, september 30th edition:

me: our kid will be polish, and italian....and hairy.
husband: do you think he'll have white hair like his big brother[odin]? covers odin's ears do you think we should tell odin he's adopted?

i love him :)

so. i'm sitting here, feeling like a failure....and i don't know why. it's silly, really. but i do. i had a doctor's appointment today and everything is good. baby is measuring well. things look good with me. except, they tested my iron (via finger stabber from hell)...and, i failed.

usually pregnant women with iron deficiencies show symptoms. like, becoming faint often. or excessive exhaustion (which, yes, i'm always tired - but no more than normal for this pregnancy so far. in fact, i've been more awake the last 4 weeks than the 20 before it). there are even known cravings for iron deficiencies like ice, and red meat. and not only do i not have those - i actually want nothing to do with red meat. it's like some weird switch that was flipped at the start of my pregnancy...i can't stand the thought of burgers or beef in most forms. and then...my vitamins say "with iron" right on the front....as if it's a specifically iron-filled version. and i take those every day. so really, i thought i was all set in the iron department.

i didn't fail badly, or anything. i don't know what their unit of measure is...but they want you to be at a 12. i was at a 10.6 - so really, it's not that far off. and perhaps it was simply my diet of the last 24 hours or so that wasn't full of iron. but i still can't help but feel like a failure. is my baby not getting what he needs? should i have been sucking it up and choking back some beef?

they told me they will have to test me again in the future, not sure if that means at the next appointment or what. really not looking forward to it since that finger stabber is totally not cool. i swear she poked my bone because the entire bone in my finger ached for a good 20 minutes post-stabbing. they said if i dip below 10 they will put me on an iron supplement. but, they gave me a list of iron food sources to try and bring it up above 12.

and ya know what? this list freaking blows.

according to my doctors, these are the foods which are excellent sources of iron:
calf liver, beef liver, pork liver, raisins, english peas, lima beans, mustard greens, spinach, and prune juice.

guess which ones from that list i would eat? hmmm. zerooo.

okay, i'm exaggerating. maybe maybe spinach, only in an omlet or a gourmet-style pizza. and i have no idea what english peas are, but i like normal peas...so if that's them, whatev. but liver?! seriously?? and i cannot STAND raisins, or lima beans, and i don't even knooow what mustard greens are. ugh.

there's also a list of good sources (of which i will eat berries, shredded wheat, broccoli, and pork) and a list of fair sources - which, i will eat almost all of. it's mostly fruits and veggies, which i love and have been obsessed with this entire pregnancy anyway. but they aren't really going to boost me up there since i'm already eating them. boo.

i'm also feeling kind of gross after seeing how much weight i've gained. i still have a shot at staying within the healthy 25-35 pound total weight gain....i'm pretty confident i can. but it's going to be hard. i have to eat better. not that i've been eating bad, because i do have my weak compulsive moments maybe once a month (like...sitting down with a bag of smart food and not getting up until it's empty....), but for the most part i eat well. i have a bagel with peanut butter, banana & orange juice for breakfast. i have decent lunches - usually a salad, or a sandwich - nothing ever heavy. i can't remember the last time i got a burger & fries for lunch. and at dinner i always make something decent. we have our late nights where we'll throw a frozen pizza in the oven, but even that is fairly rare. with husband being home when i get here, i no longer have to wait until late to make dinner.

so i know i need to eat lots of iron, and things that aren't going to immediately travel to my ass, yet all i can think about is how delicious it would be to make a container of pillsbury biscuits and eat them all with butter and strawberry preserves.

my smile for the day:
husband made me a snack after work (a spring mix salad with balsamic vinaigrette - see! my cravings are always along these lines), and i was watching GH. he could see it from the kitchen, and whether he likes it or not....he knows everyone on the show, and the current story lines. he asked me who got shot, and i told him. he asked me if she was dead, but i thought he asked something else so i said yes (she's not dead). and he responded with, "WHAT! she's DEAD? seriously?". i wish there would have been another woman in the room so i could send them a "how cute it is that he will deny it up and down that he doesn't know anything about GH and then reacted like that" glare. you know men. had i shared that moment with him he would have begun operation pretend to hate GH, and i can't have any of that. :)

mommyhood brainstorming, take 1.

2008-09-29T12:58:00.000-07:00

i love that i have a son. not...in a "i'm glad he's not a daughter" way. in really cool, amazing, "holy crap i have a child" way.

it's very easy to get caught up in the chaos of pregnancy. i mean, really. in a very short span of time your body goes from yours, operating in generally the same way it always has, predictable - and then it becomes an incubator of sorts...and just sorta-kinda lets you use it from time to time. any given number of symptoms are handed over - some worse than others, intensities flipping around, new ones cropping up. you learn what it feels like to never have good skin, and always have limp hair, and always have pain in your back, and always get heartburn from your ex-favorite foods, and always be spilling out of your bra.....(i'll stop there).

and of course there's the hormones. and the inability to deal with stress. and that whole huge thing about OMGIHAVEABABY, and i need to put a nursery together, and i need money for these things. it's a fast-paced, clock is ticking, high-strung experience. one that i couldn't have even imagined/planned for/prepared for if i tried. of course, i think my situation was made extra sucky by the mold issue that refuses to go away, and all of the other lovely costly things that crept up at the same time. so yes, it is very easy to get sucked into the tornado of, wow everything suddenly blows. it's hard to outwardly show the excitement you feel for the baby, when your mind is pulled in 20 different directions. and/or, you feel like ass.

however. i think, at least in my work place, i'm a rare bird. that sort of goes without saying because out of the 5 women in the entire company, only 1 other has been pregnant & given birth during their time here. my experience has only her's to compare with. but also, her ideas about pregnancy, babies, motherhood, parenting...the works, are all so very different. (not to start a debate or to sound all yay-yay to one side about anything, but...) she very actively promotes not breastfeeding. i've heard her preach this to every pregnant woman she comes across, including me. "it's so much easier to let your husband make the formula for you", "your boobs don't get as mangled", "you don't have to worry about a kid hanging all over you all the time". interesting. then she goes on about how the day her child came home it went straight to the crib and wasn't allowed to sleep anywhere else. she needed a full night's sleep, after all! i don't....even want to get into some of the other things, because they deal with punishment, and i really just have to zip my lips and turn my head when she goes on and on about it & i couldn't disagree more (and, i don't want to go there, to each their own really). but do you see the common denominator in those examples? selfishness. not one of those things were chosen for the better of her child, but they made that whole pesky mommy thing a little easier for her.

i'm not saying you better breastfeed your kid, and co-sleep, or park a bassinet next to your bed, or anything, really. it's just hearing her reasoning....it's annoying. she didn't make her choices for her child, she made them for her. and why? well, i have my theories. because the truth is - i think she's a good mom, and i think she did really want her baby. but she has been employed here longer than i could drive a car. heck, long before my first day of high school (which was in 98). she has seen this company grow quite a bit in that time, and she cherishes it. i get that, that's great. but i had a conversation with her husband, even...who said he hates how attached she is to this place. i believe his words were, "if the place were on fire, she'd still run into the building". she made her choices based on the fact that she was coming back to work (which, by the way, she came back 3 weeks after giving birth! because, she couldn't stay away). now...whether she made them because this place is more important to her than parenthood, or because she was upset about it and preparing herself for the heartache of leaving her child with a day care, i don't know. though, really, why not stay out all 8 weeks if that's the case?

i'm really not trying to crucify her or anything. her situation doesn't bother me the way it may seem. i think, with my due date fast approaching and my baby kicking with more distinct movements, i'm just thinking about my impending motherhood. the way things will be with me and my baby, and how i feel about the situation in comparison. i could never do what she's doing. i get that some people need the money and so working & day care is their only option. but i just couldn't hand my child over to a bunch of strangers 40+ hours a week (because she is ALWAYS here, even on days off, even when she's not asked to be). i don't have even have my child yet, but i'm constantly wishing i could be at home instead so i can pull up my shirt and watch my belly move around with the movement of his limbs. i wish i could just lay there and talk to him and poke at him while he squirms. we do this all the time, and i am thankful for the time i have - but i would just love to do it all day long. bond with my baby, prepare for his arrival....soak up the magnitude of the miracle he is. and that's the thing about working through pregnancy (which, i realize just about everyone does). not only do you have to suffer through the suck...like 11 weeks of nausea, and never ending exhaustion while trying to do your work correctly. but you don't get the time to soak up every last drop of growing your baby. i wish life was a little easier to juggle in that way. i don't want to quit my job and do nothing for the sake of being a bum. i want to kick back and soak up the very few miracles we are given in our lifetimes. and that's where i think my co-worker and i differ. this job is not simply an income for her - it IS her life. whereas mine, is currently growing in my uterus and i'm just waiting this job out until he makes his appearance.

even with all that being said, i still have insecurities. everyone in my life has done so much more with their lives (at least, hmm, 75% of them anyway) in terms of education and careers. i have done nothing. and though my heart is totally okay with this, sometimes my mind is not. i know exactly why things turned out this way. because i wanted them to. because all i wanted was babies - my babies. i couldn't settle on a profession that would give me the freedom i wanted in order to give my all to being a mom. so i didn't do anything. not even as a filler until i reached mommyhood. it just felt like a waste of time.

i think, that idea really just agitates me for now....and possibly will for the next 3 months, but will disappear in an instant. because i know, my time is coming. my time to shine is just around the corner, and my purpose for this life is about to unfold. but working 40 hours, doing things that don't make a difference, surrounded by people who barely share a shred of the same ideals as i have - is hard to do. it makes me wish that i had done something in the past so i could at least fill these next 3 months in limbo with something i care about.

for now, i take every moment i can to watch my belly poke out & jiggle with my son's movements. i talk to him every chance i get. i set my hand on my belly and laugh when he kicks it. i daydream about holding him in my arms, and seeing his smile, and hearing his laugh. and really...i just couldn't be happier about having a son.

24 weeks, chex mix partayyy

2008-09-29T06:31:00.001-07:00

warning: i am an ABC prime time addict, and while every one of my fabulous shows are re-starting another wonderful season, i cannot be held responsible for the amount of tv babble that may spew out of me at any moment.

so, desperate housewives anyone?
you know, i feel a little bad. this show was the show that started it all for me. it's what ignited my love of grey's (when they were on back-to-back), and opened up a new genre of the sexy sleazy scandalous soap-opera-on-crack type of show that i've come to love. and yet, last night, at 9:20 i sat on the couch and realized - the season premier is on, and i'm not watching it!

well thank heavens for DVR because it was waiting for me, only by 20 minutes, which allowed ample time to FF through boring commercials. i have to say, last year when the show ended the way it did...i was a little outraged. i wanted to see what happened! but after last night, i am really glad they traveled 5 years in the future. it's refreshing. the show needed a new beginning, a re-vamping...and i'm all excited about seeing where it will lead again. it's like reading a book that becomes your favorite, and then a sequel comes out with promises of good story lines & a glimpse of who your beloved characters have become. i love it. just, love it.

/tv show babble.

so, i think i've hit the nesting phase of my pregnancy. how did i put it earlier? "it goes beyond normal cleaning. it's like full fleged, scrub the spots i never look at, organize the pantry twice, husband has to say "go to bed" before i stop....cleaning ". yeah, that pretty much sums it up. for the first time in...hmm...well....ever, i sat wide awake in bed, thinking that maaaybe i should just get up and do a thing or two instead of sleeping. i feel like an addict or something. i'm sitting here daydreaming about the things i can do around the house when i get home.

husband said this is one of the coolest pregnancy side effects he's seen yet. only being topped by my massive boobs.

i'm 24 weeks today. let's seee....(traveling to what to expect dot com)...baby is about 1.5 pounds right now (holy crap, he's only .7lbs away from being the weight my niece was when she was born! granted, she was a preemie, but i can visualize that size). he's about 8.5" (aw, my little piece of paper). wow. i only have 4 weeks left of the 2nd trimester! this is really flying. am i 6 months now? i never know how that works with the weeks thing. i guess, if you take 24 weeks divided by 4, that gives you 6 months....but that logic is kind of stupid since no one ever says "i'm 10 months" when they're 40 weeks pregnant. who knows. maybe i'm 5 months, maybe i'm 6. either way, holy crap!

bold flavor chex mix = so yum.

martha "mrsLicky" stewart.

2008-09-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

i'm not ready for it to be 6pm on sunday. i'm just....not.

i want to start my SAHM gig and be done with the next 3 months of 40 hour work weeks, gir!

i feel very domestic. let's see. friday i scrapbooked & organized my scrapbooking, in true martha stewart fashion. saturday i detail-scrubbed my kitchen. i love my husband (i do i do i do) and he has picked up all of my "pregnancy-makes-me-lethargic" slack, but it's incredible how good this house can look when i do the cleaning instead. for reeeeal. this morning i clipped coupons, researched deals at every grocery & drug store in the area, made a spreadsheet of all my coupons, and went shopping. we stocked up on tons of supplies at BJ's, and they'll probably last us well through goop's birth. when we came home...i had a quick snack, updated my spreadsheet, and went to lowe's to get the rest of what we needed. and when i got home? i read the paper. and then...i updated my coupon spreadsheet, again, as well as made a new spreadsheet to track my savings every week.

am i, a nerd, or what.

you know what i'm most excited about? i got a bottle of franks hot sauce (aka, the best stuff everrrr) for $.16! can you believe that crap? i have yet to experience the wonderful world of overages when it comes to couponing (i'm such a newbie)...so this $.16 excites me. last weekend i got taco seasonings for $.15 each. small accomplishments! BUT, they are the motivations that make me do things like...spend 2 hours researching the best deals. it's freakin' addicting!

i'm about to sound even lamer. i'm going to spend the next 2-3 hours doing laundry, cleaning up the bedroom, making sure the kitchen is still in order...and scrapbooking until bed time.

i so have this SAHM thing in the bag :)

accomplishments of the day:
1. i bought husband a 6 pack of sam adams octoberfest (he's totally in love) because i knew he only had 2 bottles left...and being football day i thought he might need more. he was SO excited when i got home (you would have thought it was christmas or something), and he wouldn't stop saying, "now THAT is a good wife" and giving me kisses :)
2. i didn't get ID'ed for the beer, for the first time in....hmm, ever? i look young for my age as it is, and it's just a given. i always have my license out & at the ready. what i find hilarious, is that it's probably my preggo belly that pushes me over the "she looks too young" threshold...aaand i can't even drink the stuff.
3. $.16 for franks, whoo hoo!

debate night = sexy time, apparently.

2008-09-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

husband is cracking me up this weekend. i love this about him. he has such a goofy sense of humor, which is what attracted me to him in the first place.

this conversation took place last night, shortly after he finished work for the day. it began completely randomly as we were watching tv:

husband: hey, why aren't you naked?
me: because i have clothes on.
husband: well, that's an easy fix.
me: mmmhmmm.
husband: but babbyyyy
me: what?
husband: it's presidential debate night!
me: and?
husband: we HAVE to have sex on presidential debate night!

lol.
though he would find any reason to "celebrate" by having sex, including a presidential debate...there is actually some tradition behind this. as sad & wild as this sounds, during one of the debates in 2004 we decided to start a drinking game. it was just the two of us, and we were bored. every time Bush stuttered or said the wrong word, or just sounded like an idiot, we took a drink. needless to say............we got hammered. with our new drunkenness, we started searching for drinking snacks, and found a funfetti cake mix & frosting. so we're making funfetti cupcakes, drunk, getting batter all over the kitchen....and we somehow end up naked and having sex. in the kitchen. instead of making the cupcakes.

yeah, it was a weird night lol.

i reminded him that this year i couldn't consume any alcohol, nor was i a tiny 115 pound 20 year old with perfect skin and perky boobs and i wasn't feeling quite as sexy*. but, he said in honor of our tradition, he was still going to bake. he made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. they are soooo delicious!

(*i do realize it's not like 10 years elapsed, but it's incredible how pregnancy can really ravage your body)

so, anyway...enough about presidential debate night traditions & back to why husband is making me giggle. you know how i mentioned odin being a wiener? (Odin = my cat, if you don't know) Well, he has really....started acting out. he mauled my gerbera plant for a 3rd time. and this morning? he found the bag of chocolate chips husband used on the cookies last night, dragged them through the house - leaving a trail of chocolate chips - and left the bag at the bottom of the stairs. why on earth would a cat do this?? so we're thinking he's just getting into anything he can, but his weirdness is extending!

i actually felt like doing some housework this morning (im usually too tired or sick feeling to want to do it), and husband took a trip to buy a new video game, buy me a box of mr. clean magic erasers, and pick up asiago cheese bagels at panera. while he was gone, i was scrubbing the kitchen...and i noticed odin had something under the kitchen table. it was matt's golf club cover, which is like a plush husky dog thing. he was repeatedly biting it and humping it!!! he has NEVER done this before! so husband gets home, catches him in the act, and cannot stop laughing. he kept saying things like "odin, stop it, no means no!" lol.

so then he picks the husky thing up, throws it in front of the fireplace and says "at least be a gentleman and do her by the fire or something". lol....oooh that husband of mine.

seriously though. why is my neutered cat, who has been without the proper equipment for 4 years, suddenly wanting to hump things? it's not even the right season for it. i'm starting to wonder if all the flea stuff we've been using on him & around the house (that's not working anyway) is scrambling his brain.

maybe seeing two presidential candidates debating is an aphrodisiac for men? :)

damn it, nipples!!!

2008-09-26T12:25:00.001-07:00

okay, okay...i'm not a grey's genius. boo. my story would have been a lot more interesting than what actually happened. that was the lamest thing ever. me...girl who practically hyper-ventilated over september 25th's arrival for a good month, was wishing it would hurry up and end so i could go to sleep. my grey's shouldn't make me have such terrible feelings!

BUT, the office was awesome, and (spoiler alert - highlight the following, just in case some people haven't seen it yet!) though it took place between pumps at a gas station, jim & pam's proposal was so sweeeet. yay jim & pam! i love them.

today i have been scrapbooking queen 2008. and by that, i mean not at all...since i only got 2 pages done. and technically, it was 1 layout...just a 2-pager, so that makes me suck even more. but i organized the new things i ordered recently & set up the plans for more of my scrapbooking projects so i did accomplish something. the only suck part is, i have no good place to scrapbook. so at the moment, all of my supplies are on the floor and i sit among them and do my thing. not only does it hurt my back, but i also have to listen to matt's lamefest conference calls. the whole point is to be in the room and spend time with him while he has to work, but my GOSH. i want to pop ear plugs in so i don't have to hear any more computer gibberish.

odin is being a complete weiner today. you know my beautiful gerbera plant i raved about yesterday? he's tried eating it, twice now. just today he bit the bloom off the stem! i don't know where i can put it so he won't get into it.

i'm officially obsessed with picnik. i can't stop. i need to join picnik lovers annon. i've even started using other people's pictures. for example, meet my sister and her boyfriend:

gorgeous couple, aren't they? oh oh....wrong picture.

is it totally obvious i was trying to cover up the date stamp? lol.

i should get back to my scrapbooking. or perhaps, picniking. i would do something more productive...like, put together a nursery for my baby but I CAN'T because service "masters" (more like suckers) called in sick! they called in sick, to working on our house!! can you believe that crap? ooooh this mold stuff is getting old. that's a long-ish story for another day. for now...

pregnancy suck of the day: itchy nipples. and not just itchy, painfully itchy. it feels like there are tiny needles being stuck into my nipples...and scratching/pinching (lol) them does not make it stop. i've even tried lotioning them thinking they may be dry. no dice. i'm about to rip them off!

1 grey's prediction, comin' up!

2008-09-25T13:44:00.000-07:00

i just have to put this in writing, on the off chance my prediction actually comes true so i can say heyyyy check out the grey's genius!

remember the finale last year (and if you're anything like me, you re-watched it last week) when mcdreamy left meredith standing in the middle of the woods so he could go have a talk with rose? who leaves a woman, by herself, in the middle of the woods?? i expected a bear to come out and maul her. while i no longer think that's the case, it was definitely meant to give you that sinking feeling of....what! something, is about to go down.

this theory was compiled not only by me, but my grey's loving lovah-friend...and we mushed our ideas to come up with this super-plot. and, since i just heard that the last episode the actress that plays rose will appear in is tonight's, this sounds even more possible. so. mcdreamy somehow ends up in a car with rose while he's breaking it off with her. or, possibly after she reveals the secret of her mcdreamy fetus. there's some sort of freak ice storm going on, possibly some sort of emotion mixed in with the break up, and the two of them end up in a crash right outside the hospital. rose ends up on the ground somehow, and the preview clip of the icicle falling is of her. she ends up dead (sorry rose). mcdreamy is also injured in the crash...which explains the possibly-mcdreamy-man on the table preview, as well as meredith's hysterics...but everything ends up alright. problems with rose, solved. however, because mcdreamy knew she was pregnant pre-death, it gets his baby gears turning...and he wants to rush things with meredith. this in turn causes her to get all funky in the head again, which causes another season of cat & mouse between our beloved couple.

eh? eh? i've heard some other theories. things about mcdreamy imagining rose admitting to being pregnant and such. but the bottom line is...i hear from many sources that there will NOT be a mcdreamyrose love child.

happy viewing tonight, i can't waaaaait!

loves it <3

2008-09-25T06:17:00.001-07:00

i really don't want to sound all neiner-neiner-neiner,
but i'm about to.

i love the civic hybrid! yesterday after work when this was taken it actually said 43.0 - but since the engine was running in park while i got my camera out to take this picture, it dropped. oh well. it's still a nice number to see, regardless. especially with the way gas is in charlotte right now. i wish i could find a slick way to take a picture of the long lines of cars snaked around the gas stations that still have some gas left to give, but i can't. i guess there are rumors of a pipe taking a long time to get working again? something like that. i have about 1/2 tank in the hybrid, and 3/4 of a tank in the mazda - so hopefully by early next week we'll have some gas again. husband & i are planning a thrilling weekend of staying at home (hooray!) to conserve fuel.

husband is a wonderful, wonderful creature. the other day, husband and i were partaking in our very first harris teeter triples experience, and we decided to do our shopping at an HT we hadn't visited in a while. it was closer to our old apartment, but we now have one down the street from our house (on what we call, grocery store row - since there's one every two feet). upon pulling in the parking lot to this HT, husband told me how that particular location made him happy - just being there. thinking someone surely switched my husband's brain with a stepford wife's operating system i asked him what on earth he was talking about. he said that back in his days of working third shift, this was where he used to stop on his way home from work to buy me flowers. he still gives me flowers quite often, but it was like a marathon during his 3rd shift days. he ended the trip down memory lane by saying something like "remember how cute i used to be to you?". i laughed at him and told him he was still insanely cute, if he only knew how crappy some men were to their loved ones. thinking this was just a random snippet of conversation, i filed it away under my "he's a sweetie" memories, and the end. only a few days later, he went to get a haircut, and came home with a beautiful gerbera daisy plant. poor thing guilted himself into blessing me with flowers again. i was so thrilled with this, because 1) i love gerbera daisies and he's a doll for remembering they were in our wedding and 2) it's an actual living plant. so instead of a oooh how pretty 5-7 days ending in trashing a crispy brown flower skeleton, it will be blooming all sorts of lovelies for me as long as i keep it alive. which, will be a challenge...but i will do my best!

in the name of all things sweet and mushy, here is my version of heaven. the two loves of my life, snuggled and cute in the same spot - just begging to be smothered in my smooches. if i had been done baking my baby cake i would have put him in husband's arms and it would have been sheer perfection. perhaps a photo-op for another day. if my kitty doesn't hate my baby, anyway. and he might, because he fears all living things that aren't husband & me.

um, i'm probably going to be back to go on & on about my grey's theories for tonight, but i have to do some actual work being that i'm at work. stupid work, always gettin in the way!

the ugly side of baby growing.

2008-09-24T17:17:00.000-07:00

i love, love, love this little being growing like a weed inside of me. i wished, hoped, prayed & begged for him, and the day i found out he existed was one of the best & most memorable of my entire life. despite 11 weeks of nausea and an ever-growing list of physical ickyness, it's worth it. and i'll probably do it a couple more times. i don't ever want to seem ungrateful for this miracle-o-mine...but pregnancy is no picnic. i think my beef is more with the effects of progesterone (i would say that would make a great name for a super villain but i know every mom with hormone irregularities would want to punch me so i won't say that). that being said...

10(ish) selfish reasons reasons why i'm glad pregnancy doesn't last forever. in no particular order.

-boobs of epic proportions. my cute, perky c-cup beauties have swollen to such a ridiculous size that i have officially outgrown every single bra (push up, sport, ugly comfies, ALL) that i own. in fact, i sometimes look down and embarrassingly realize my titties are overspilling and looking all kinds of white-trashy. the other night husband took a look at them in my closest-to-fitting bra and without prompting said, "how would you like it if i bought you some new bras this week?". if he sees a problem, that's saying something!

-never-healing, relentless acne. ohh yes. i haven't had clear skin in about 5 months, and that goes for my entire body. it's gross, and so unflattering...but i'll say it. bacne. i have bacne. sob.

-the no soft cheese rule. do you know what i love consuming in mass quantities? bleu cheese. on pizza...crumbles on salads...chicken wings. we sort of have a sick love affair. i sometimes cheat on it with feta (shhhh), and occasionally gorgonzola (don't tell feta). and do you know what? the people who went to medical school say it can give my fetus listeriosis. siiigh. i haven't had a single crumble since may. but come january? my place, soft cheese party, be there.

-new york & company coupon tauntings. my favoritest of favorite stores sends me all kinds of dealy emails and coupons to cash in on lovely pieces of fashion. pre-baby i was going to the mall bi-weekly to stock up on everything they had to offer...and i'm not even sure i will fit in all my previous finds post-baby. not to mention, my clothing shopping desires are not being fufilled. maternity clothes just don't have the same thrill. i suppose it's a good transition to stay-at-home-mommyhood. gotta squash the shopping bug now.

-no glass of wine after a suck day at work. my job was such a lovely place to be, until pregnancy. it decided to suck just in time for my mood swings and exhaustion. and can i come home to a lovely glass of wine after being annoyed all day? nope. boo :(

-the sleeps. i don't think i even have to mention the nausea, because helloooo the nausea. it's probably the number one known fact of pregnancy. been there, done that, would love to forget about it. the exhaustion on the other hand? non-stop. 3-hour naps began at as little as 4 weeks, and 20 weeks later i'm still taking them. when i'm not working 12 hour days, that is. staying awake through those work days is nearly impossible.

-feeling like a total whale. and knowing it's only going to get a lot worse in the next few months.

-mood swing fiesta. i have this funny (and too long for my current attention span) story about a night when i decided 10pm was a perfect time to bake an apple pie. when my crust wasn't turning out as perfect as MIL's does without fail, i threw my arms in the air, along with a few handfuls of flour, and declared that i quit apple pie. and then there's the 4,736 times (roughly) i've burst into tears at sarah mclaughlin's SPCA commercial, or just....because i wanted to. no control over your own emotions, awesome.

-pregnancy brain. i can't concentrate on work, i mess up the simplest tasks, and i forget things constantly. like how to count to 10.

and reasons why it's amazing:

-there's an actual human being learning how to be human inside of me!
-his kicks are the coolest, sweetest things i have ever experienced.
-seeing him at sonograms is the most in amazing thing in the entire world.
-i never feel alone, because i know baby is everywhere with me.
-the men at work trip all over themselves to hold doors and carry things for me.
-i can put on a little weight and people don't judge me.
-i get to be a mommy in 4(ish)months! which is the best thing ever, to me.
-seeing husband get excited about having a son is so heartwarming.
-there's a little person made of half me and half husband!
-i have years of loving another wonderful person ahead of me.

and of course, those are the only things that matter anyway. so all of my wah-wah-ing is pointless and doesn't matter :)

in the begining.

2008-09-24T04:44:00.000-07:00

so, clay aiken is gay. shocking. really though, who didn't see that coming? i'm mostly interested to see what my extremely conservative grandparents (who vote republican solely because they are against abortion and they are die-hard catholics*) have to say about it. why on earth does my grandma have squat to do with it? well, my grandma is quite young to be a grandma of four 20-somethings, in addition to 3 pre-teens, and 5 (about to be 6) great-grandchildren. she is "with it" in terms of modern media - and for some reason, she has a special love for mr. aiken. it's a little sick. i'm just curious to see if she will not care, or suddenly start hating him because of her views.

*i am in no way siding in either direction politically here, i just think it's pretty gay (ha) to vote for someone based on one single issue, without looking into all the facts.

really though, i don't care about clay aiken. i just wanted someone 5 years from now to say "what was the very first sentence you ever wrote on your blog?" and i could say something totally unexpected and random like "so, clay aiken is gay". mission accomplished.

soo onto reality then. same old stuff, brand new day. sometimes i wonder what my days would be like had i taken a different route for myself. i'm one of those....stubborn, play by the rules types (only i'm the one enforcing the rules), and i've unsurprisingly ended up exactly where i expected i would at 24. i decided about 20 years ago that my goal in life was to marry well and squat out a bunch of babies and live by the old barefoot and pregnant stereotype that our kind protests. i'm old fashioned in this way, and i'm not sure if that's a good thing just yet. a few weeks ago husband & i were watching 30 minute meals, and i remembered hearing recently that rachel ray was about to hit the ol' four-zero. so i randomly blurted out, "she's almost 40, where are her babies?? she better hurry up!". it was my husband who said, "what, just because she's a woman means she's supposed to have babies?". hearing that, from a man no less, made me think...hmm....why does my mind work that way? why did i assume she wanted them? the truth is...i don't know.

so instead of going away to college for 4 years, and instead of spending my early 20's at parties and experimenting with every existing form of alcohol - i was simply on the hunt for my always & forever. i found him fairly easily, moved in with him, married him, and now i'm carrying his son. exactly what i expected. but what if i let myself step out of line even a little? would i be spending my mornings behind a boring desk eating the same bagel, peanut butter, banana & OJ? or would i be somewhere more interesting, like NYC, among celebrities and intelligent innovative people? who knows. i don't even know if i would prefer that. what i do know is....i'm sick of the brainless crap i hear around my workplace and keeping things to myself for the sake of my job really blows.

i'm just a little bitter this morning. i'm sick of my job, and got even less sleep than normal last night. my unborn son, who's kicks have until now been adorable and sweet, finally found a few areas where he can cause some damage. he woke me out of a dead sleep multiple times last night while he punched away at them. i have no idea what he found in there, but it must have been fun. the boy tap danced on it for hours.

my eyes are drooping.