in the begining.

so, clay aiken is gay. shocking. really though, who didn't see that coming? i'm mostly interested to see what my extremely conservative grandparents (who vote republican solely because they are against abortion and they are die-hard catholics*) have to say about it. why on earth does my grandma have squat to do with it? well, my grandma is quite young to be a grandma of four 20-somethings, in addition to 3 pre-teens, and 5 (about to be 6) great-grandchildren. she is "with it" in terms of modern media - and for some reason, she has a special love for mr. aiken. it's a little sick. i'm just curious to see if she will not care, or suddenly start hating him because of her views.

*i am in no way siding in either direction politically here, i just think it's pretty gay (ha) to vote for someone based on one single issue, without looking into all the facts.

really though, i don't care about clay aiken. i just wanted someone 5 years from now to say "what was the very first sentence you ever wrote on your blog?" and i could say something totally unexpected and random like "so, clay aiken is gay". mission accomplished.

soo onto reality then. same old stuff, brand new day. sometimes i wonder what my days would be like had i taken a different route for myself. i'm one of those....stubborn, play by the rules types (only i'm the one enforcing the rules), and i've unsurprisingly ended up exactly where i expected i would at 24. i decided about 20 years ago that my goal in life was to marry well and squat out a bunch of babies and live by the old barefoot and pregnant stereotype that our kind protests. i'm old fashioned in this way, and i'm not sure if that's a good thing just yet. a few weeks ago husband & i were watching 30 minute meals, and i remembered hearing recently that rachel ray was about to hit the ol' four-zero. so i randomly blurted out, "she's almost 40, where are her babies?? she better hurry up!". it was my husband who said, "what, just because she's a woman means she's supposed to have babies?". hearing that, from a man no less, made me think...hmm....why does my mind work that way? why did i assume she wanted them? the truth is...i don't know.

so instead of going away to college for 4 years, and instead of spending my early 20's at parties and experimenting with every existing form of alcohol - i was simply on the hunt for my always & forever. i found him fairly easily, moved in with him, married him, and now i'm carrying his son. exactly what i expected. but what if i let myself step out of line even a little? would i be spending my mornings behind a boring desk eating the same bagel, peanut butter, banana & OJ? or would i be somewhere more interesting, like NYC, among celebrities and intelligent innovative people? who knows. i don't even know if i would prefer that. what i do know is....i'm sick of the brainless crap i hear around my workplace and keeping things to myself for the sake of my job really blows.

i'm just a little bitter this morning. i'm sick of my job, and got even less sleep than normal last night. my unborn son, who's kicks have until now been adorable and sweet, finally found a few areas where he can cause some damage. he woke me out of a dead sleep multiple times last night while he punched away at them. i have no idea what he found in there, but it must have been fun. the boy tap danced on it for hours.

my eyes are drooping.